托福写作高分妙招2 - 托福

2008-04-23 来源：考试大 |http://www.examda.com 我要评论（0）

　　4.Original: You should compete to live in this society. 
　　Revised: You should compete for survival; otherwise, you will be thrown out of the tide of society. 
　　亮点评析 
　　原句平平淡淡，只是告诉人们要在社会立足，必须竞争，但这样一句简单的劝告似乎缺乏说服力，修改后的句子用了compete for survival，为了生存而竞争，而且后面又添加了一个并列分句，补充说明了如果不compete的后果就是be thrown out of the tide of society，被社会的浪潮所淘汰，使用这些更加具体深刻的词汇能够形象生动地表现出竞争的惨烈。 
　　5.Original: I really believe that smoking is harmful to people’s health. 
　　Revised: I have a profound conviction that smoking is harmful to people’s health. 
　　亮点评析 
　　conviction的意思是“坚定的看法或信仰”，have a profound conclusion表示对某种看法深信不疑，作文中提出观点的句子用have a profound conclusion会比用believe态度更坚决，立场更鲜明，而且believe这个词非常简单，是英语初学者就应掌握的词汇，换成have a profound conclusion立即增加了句子的复杂程度，体现了较强的语言运用能力。类似的提出观点的表达还有： 
　　I hold a point of view that… 
　　I hold the opinion that… 
　　6.Original: We know that sometimes success is measured by how much money you earn. 
　　Revised: It does not surprise us to discover that sometimes success is measured in terms of the money you earn. 
　　亮点评析 
　　如上句的believe一样，know也是非常初级的词汇，作文中出现I believe that…，I know that…这样的表达只能体现考生写作技巧的稚嫩，用It does not surprise us to discover that…替换We know that…并没有改变原句的含义，却使全句顿时增添了亮点。 
　　7.Original: We all know that most factories would be of no use if there were not clean water supply. 
　　Revised: It goes without saying that most factories would be of no use if there were not clean water supply. 
　　亮点评析 
　　同上例一样，know这样的初级词汇应避免在作文中使用，It goes without saying that…是一个固定结构，意思是“……是不言而喻的”，常在作文中用来引经据典或表明一个尽人皆知的道理，类似的表达还有： 
　　An old saying goes that… 
　　Proverb goes that… 
　　It is universally acknowledged that… 
　　It is generally accepted that… 
　　8.Original: Some other people think that people should read extensively. 
　　Revised: Another position says that people should read extensively. 
　　亮点评析 
　　同know，believe一样，think也应该尽量避免使用，修改后的句子中是用Another position says that…代替think提出另一种观点，也可以用hold a point of view，hold the opinion这样的短语替换。 
　　9.Original: The unexpected win of the match give us confidence. 
　　Revised: The unexpected win of the match boost our confidence. 
　　亮点评析 
　　give也属于英语中最初级、最基本的词汇，只表示“给，给予”这个动作，不涉及动作的性质和状态，若表示增添信心，增强士气，比较地道的说法是用boost confidence/morale，如：The change of management has boosted morale throughout the company. 管理模式的改变使整个公司上下士气倍受鼓舞。 
　　10.Original: The use of drugs has increased greatly in the last ten years. 
　　Revised: The use of drugs has increased significantly in the last ten years. 
　　亮点评析 
　　greatly是一般用语，表示程度高，“很，非常”，使用相当普遍而没有新意，在写作中应尽量避免使用这些通俗而又陈旧的词汇，应换用一些更加正式，更有说服力的词语，例如significantly表示达到了非常重要的或可观的程度，“重大的，可观的”，能够具体说明药品使用方面，增长幅度巨大。significantly还可以替换成considerably，tremendously等，同样具有不错的表达效果。

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