TOEFL作文实例解析2 - 托福

2008-04-23 来源：考试大 |http://www.examda.com 我要评论（0）

　　II.   Editorial Comments
　　1.       Original: Furthermore, transportation keeps everything going easily. Reviswed: Furthermore, transportation keeps everything running smoothly.
　　英语中没有 "going easily” 这种说法。这里，作者要表达的意思是“事情进展的比较顺利”，我们可以用 "running smoothly”。看以下两个例子：
　　＊    Although the car crashed just last week, the mechanic was able to fix it quickly and now it is running smoothly.
　　＊    Although we made some measurement mistakes in our first science experiment, our second one is running smoothly.
　　2.   Original: Building a shopping center near where we live may have lots of existent and potential advantages. They go as follows. Revised: Building a shopping center where we live has a lot of potential advantages, such as the following.
　　为了逻辑通顺和语言联贯，由such as 或者 as follows引导的所要列举的一系列事情，应该和提示部分（some advantages… such as…）放在同一个句子里。以下是几种常用的表列举的结构：
　　＊    After we moved into our new apartment, I had to buy many new household goods, such as the following: toilet paper, cooking utensils, cleaning supplies, etc.
　　＊    I am in full support of the new legislation for the following reasons.
　　＊     My reasons for studying abroad are as follows.
　　＊     My objections to your decision are listed below.
　　3.   Original: If it is up to me to decide whether a shopping center should be built near my apartment, I prefer to build it. Revised: If it were up to me to decide whether or not to build a shopping center near my apartment, I would decide to build it.
　　注意，if引导的条件从句一定要用虚拟语态。例如：
　　If I were a magician, I would not need to study to get a perfect score on the TOEFL.
　　虚拟语态表示与事实相反的动作或状态。通常在“if”、“if that”、 “though”、 “lest”、“unless”、 “except”、“until”等等引导的从句中，也要用虚拟语态。
　　例如： “If there were no honey, the flowers and the bees would have never met.”
　　III.             Alternative
　　A.    Other ways to express the meaning of “running smoothly”:
　　(i)    “without a glitch” – Example: The computer program ran all night long without a glitch.
　　(ii)   “going as planned” – Example: The bank robbers thought that everything was going as planned, until all of a sudden the police stormed in and arrested them.
　　(iii)  “keep [ object ] on track” – Example: Although the young students acted wild in class, the teacher knew how to keep them on the tracks. (“tracks” – in reference to train tracks keeping the train moving in the expected or appropriate direction, as opposed to derailing off course)
　　B.    Definition of “out of one’s way” – to inconvenience oneself to do something that is not necessary or required. Example: The teacher was so dedicated to his students that he went out of his way to tutor them in the weekends. Other ways to express “out of one’s way”:
　　(i)    “go above and beyond” – Example: Although the project was not part of his work responsibility, he went above and beyond his duty to make sure it was a success.
　　(ii)   “bend over backwards” – Example: She was so committed in her work as a customer service professional that she would bend over backwards to make sure her clients were satisfied.
　　C.    The expression “potential advantages” refers to a favorable outcome. Other ways to express the meaning of “potential advantages”:
　　(i)    “the good thing is” – Example: The good thing is, there is now less crime in the city.
　　(ii)   “upside” – Example: The upside to the construction is the increase in jobs in the local community.
　　D.    The expression “if it were up to me” indicates the speaker has an opposing view or opinion to the view that is being referred to. Other ways to express the meaning of “if it were up to me”:
　　(i)    “if I had my way” – Example: If I had my way, we would all be on vacation right now, instead of working into the weekend.      
　　(ii)   “if I had my choice” – Example: I need to work to support my family, but if I had my choice, I would be a full time student.

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